The Quiet Power: Why Self-Compassion Equals Strength
“Self-compassion is the foundation of courage. It allows us to see ourselves clearly and act anyway.” — Kristin Neff
Personal writing. This thing I’m doing right now. It was tough for so long.
I used to be a journalist who could write with the best of them—when the editor gave me an assignment to write about someone else.
I’d occasionally write an editorial or execute an article idea I concocted myself.
But I have vastly more fragments of unfinished pieces floating in the cloud that have never seen the light of day.
Looking back, it was because I never had confidence in my ideas. I’d start into them with gusto and then bail on them soon enough because I thought they were no good.
I guess I decided it was safer to quit before I failed publicly.
The fact that I’m now here, turning this idea into reality and freely sharing it (and myself) with the world is the result of practicing self-compassion.
Without the ability to see my past suffering and meet it with kindness and a recognition of common humanity. To notice those typos and not-so-polished posts. To be OK with grammatically incorrect sentences. I would not be here, writing these words. Trusting that this idea is something worth sharing with you.
I needed to build a solid foundation of self-compassion.
I share this as an example of how being kind to ourselves is the foundation of true inner strength. As Dr. Neff says above, it gives us the courage to see ourselves clearly and act anyway.
First Off: Self-Compassion Isn’t Soft. It’s Strategic.
Self-compassion isn’t about ignoring flaws or sugarcoating failure. It’s the opposite.
It’s about seeing yourself clearly and choosing to stay with what you see.
It’s the quiet strength to say:
“Yes, I fell short. And yes, I’m still worthy.” “This is hard. And I’m doing my best.” “That didn’t go as planned. I still belong here.”
What I’ve found is this: When I stop attacking myself for being imperfect, I get better. Not softer. Stronger. More resilient. More courageous. Less avoidant.
I stop bailing on ideas. On myself. And I stay in the room.
The Ubiquitous Myth of Strength
In our culture, especially in professional settings, “strength” is often viewed as pushing through pain, outperforming everyone, and hiding anything that smells like weakness.
But relentless self-criticism doesn’t make us better. It makes us smaller. It keeps us locked in cycles of shame, burnout, and paralysis.
True inner strength isn’t built by berating ourselves. It’s built by supporting ourselves, particularly when the going gets tough.
This shift isn’t just personal. It’s also showing up in leadership circles, entrepreneurial spaces, and boardrooms.
The Leadership of Self-Compassion.
To be honest, I’ve never been a corporate leader in the traditional sense. I’ve been a lower-mid-level manager in tech startups who struggled to climb the ladder due to my inability at the time to show self-leadership. (Thanks in part to the fact that I struggled with self-compassion.)
But I did have the chance to work in an environment steeped in leadership development alongside many skilled leaders. So I know a thing or two about what it takes to be an effective leader. And, I believe strongly that self-compassion is a critical trait for anyone aspiring towards a leadership role.
Take, as evidence, these two leadership success stories built on a foundation of self-compassion.
Jerry Colonna – The Executive Coach Who Listens Inward
“True grit is kind. True grit is persistent. True grit persists not in holding on to false beliefs against all evidence but in believing in one's inherent lovability and worthiness.”
A former venture capitalist turned leadership coach, Jerry Colonna works with some of the world's highest-performing CEOs.
His signature approach is radical self-inquiry. It's the practice of turning inward with honesty and compassion.
Colonna teaches that without self-compassion, even the smartest leaders become brittle. Defensive. Fearful. But with it, they become adaptable, grounded, and truly present.
Janice Marturano – The Corporate VP Who Chose Stillness
“We know we are feeling worn out and we are grasping for a ‘tool’ or ‘technique’ that will make us better able to get through the day…What if the answer is much simpler and requires no technology? What if the actual way to begin to cultivate resilience is through an act of kindness?”
Janice Marturano, a former vice president at General Mills, found herself navigating immense pressure during a corporate merger. At the same time, she was grieving the loss of both parents. Her response wasn’t to push harder. It was to slow down.
She attended a mindfulness retreat, where she began to learn what it meant to meet herself with care. That experience led her to found the Institute for Mindful Leadership, bringing compassionate awareness into the corporate world.
So What Does This Look Like for the Rest of Us?
You don’t need to be a CEO or a meditation teacher to practice self-compassion. You just need to start noticing how you speak to yourself when things get tough.
It might look like:
Practicing being present with the critic and getting curious instead of being avoidant
Taking a breath before launching into self-blame
Saying, “That makes sense,” instead of, “What’s wrong with me?”
Allowing yourself to rest without having to earn it
Letting something be imperfect and still be enough.
It might look like writing a piece that’s not polished, not perfect, and hitting “publish” anyway. Trusting that your goodness will come through brighter and stronger than any potential flaws.
The Courage to Stay With Yourself
Kristin Neff says that “self-compassion is the foundation of courage.” I’ve found that to be true. Without it, I would’ve walked away from this page long before it reached your eyes.
Self-compassion gives us the stability to stay. Stay in the process. Stay with the discomfort. Stay with our goals long enough to see them through.
It gives us the strength to stay with ourselves amidst any storm—even when our impulse is to abandon ship.
To me, that's the most courageous thing of all.