Don't Delete It
Introducing a space for half-formed thoughts, beginner questions, and real conversation
Have you ever started writing a comment online, stared at it for a few seconds, and then deleted it?
I certainly have. Many times.
It wasn’t because I changed my opinion. Or because what I had to say felt wrong.
Most often, it was because I believed my voice didn’t matter in the conversation. Or I was too afraid to start one. My doubt and fear overruled my need to express myself.
Hitting “post” felt too vulnerable.
I still do this sometimes. But more often these days, I try to let my perspectives fly. I respectfully disagree with content that doesn’t resonate. I contribute my two cents where I feel it can add value.
That said, I still think about all the things I never shared — and all the other thoughts out there that never make it past that moment of hesitation.
Showing Up Doesn’t Require Perfection
I come back to the inner critic that acts like a censor, editing out half-formed ideas and imperfect thoughts before they ever see the light of day.
We tend to think that unless we show up with perfect clarity and well-composed thoughts, we might as well not show up at all.
But some of the most interesting conversations I’ve ever had started with someone sharing a fragment of an idea, and another person responding with their own imperfect perspective. That’s where some of the best ideas actually come to life.
Most online spaces don’t make much room for that. Conversation gets encouraged in theory, but in practice, it’s mostly people broadcasting content at each other.
Creating a Community Dialogue Space
I’ve set an intention to build a real community around Befriending Yourself. And what’s a community without dialogue?
Exchanging ideas and staying connected through conversation are at the heart of any healthy community.
I often wonder what you think about the things I share each week: whether you have questions, disagree with me, or have something to add that might make an idea richer.
So I recently launched a subscriber chat on Substack, and I’d love for you to join the conversation.
For now, I’m opening it up to everyone for free until the fall. Starting in November 2026, it will be available only to paid community members.
But I want you to have a chance to experience it first.
You might consider it a place to think out loud together: to react in real time, share a quick disagreement, ask a question about your practice, or drop a perspective that doesn’t quite fit anywhere else.
Of course, I’ll be present, posting prompts, responding to questions and facilitating discussions.
What might that look like in practice? Here’s how I imagine it:
Prompt from Heron: What’s one small way you’ve shown yourself kindness this week, even if it felt insignificant?
Heron: I’ll start: I’ve been making lots of time to get outside and do things that really feed me, like harvesting firewood and riding my bike.
Reader 1: I cancelled plans I didn’t have the energy for and didn’t over-explain why. That felt huge, actually.
Heron: Not over-explaining is its own kind of self-kindness. Hard-won.
Reader 2: This might be a silly question, but does going to bed earlier instead of pushing through one more episode count as self-kindness? Asking for a friend 😄
Reader 1: Absolutely counts.
Heron: 100%. Choosing rest over one more episode is honouring what your body actually needs.
Reader 3: I’ve been trying to notice when I say something mean to myself and just... pause. I don’t always have a kind replacement thought yet, but the pause feels like progress.
Heron: The pause is everything. You don’t have to have the kind thought ready. Noticing is already the practice.
There’s no need to arrive with something polished or a strong opinion. A quick “hello,” a half-formed thought, or a beginner question is more than enough.
The goal is simple: connection, conversation, and community.
If you’re not already familiar with Substack chat, you’ll find instructions on how to join below. If you’re having any trouble getting started, feel free to email me at [email protected], and I can help you out.
Looking forward to connecting with you in the chat!
With care,
Heron
PS. Even if chat isn’t your thing, I encourage you to use the other tools Substack offers to engage with what I share. At the bottom of each email, you’ll find buttons you can use to like, comment on and share. If you ever have thoughts, questions, or feedback you’d rather share privately, I’d love to hear from you—just hit reply to any email, and I’ll read and respond.
How to Get Started With Chat
If you’re interested in joining the chat but unsure how, here’s how:
Get the Substack app by clicking this link or the button below. You’ll get email notifications about new threads, but if you want to know sooner or get updates as the conversation happens, you can turn on push notifications in the app. You can also access chat on the web.
Open the app and tap the Chat icon. It looks like two bubbles in the bottom bar, and you’ll see a row for my chat inside.
That’s it! Jump into my first thread to say hi, and if you have any issues, check out Substack’s FAQ.